take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
