question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
