The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
