I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
