and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
