nut hugger
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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