What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
