Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
