Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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