doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
