am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
