Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
