So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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