drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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