I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
