butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
