Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
