He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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