how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
