I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
