The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
im on a boat
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