I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
