How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
