I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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