He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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