I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
