Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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