Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
