I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
