Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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