Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
