On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
