i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
