Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
