i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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