he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
