This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
