Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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