Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
