So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
