He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
