everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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