the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Barsexuality is the new black.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
