I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
