Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
