You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
