your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
