You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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