he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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