my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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