FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
