her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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