ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As shirtless as possible
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
